Warning Signs of the Narcissistic Personality

These warning signs of the narcissistic personality are from the narcissistic personality chapter in the book  Dangerous Personalities by retired FBI Special Agent Joe Navarro. I strongly encourage you to read this book if you suspect someone you are dealing with fits this personality or if you want more information on the topic.

Navarro developed his checklists as an FBI Special Agent, not a medical professional. This particular checklist will help you identify warning signs of the narcissistic personality and determine if someone has the features of the narcissistic personality and where that person falls on a continuum or spectrum (from arrogant and obnoxious to indifferent and callous to abusive and dangerous). The checklist was designed to be used in everyday life. It’s not a clinical diagnostic tool.

Read each statement carefully and be honest as you check only statements that apply. If in doubt, leave it out. Some questions are intentionally repetitive, or overlap, to capture nuances of behavior based on how people typically experience or describe these personalities. Completing the entire checklist will increase its reliability.

Warning Signs of the Narcissistic Personality

1. Projects self-importance beyond position, experience, or what has been duly earned or deserves.
2. Has a grandiose idea of who he is and what he can achieve.
3. Often talks about his need to lead, to be in charge, to exercise power, or for achieving immediate success.
4. Believes she should only associate with other “special,” “successful,” or “high-status” people.
5. Requires excessive admiration from others.
6. Has a sense of entitlement, expecting to be treated as someone special or given priority at all times.
7. Is interpersonally exploitative of others and takes advantage of others for personal gain.
8. Lacks empathy and is unable to recognize the needs or suffering of others.
9. Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him.
10. Is arrogant and haughty in behavior or attitude.
11. Has a tendency to see her problems as unique or more acute than anyone else’s.
12. Has an exaggerated sense of privilege that allows him to bend rules and break laws.
13. Is excessively self-centered to the point of alienating others by being so “I” or “me” oriented.
14. Is hypersensitive to how she is seen or perceived by others.
15. Has regularly irritated or upset you, and others complain of the same.
16. Routinely spends an inordinate amount of time on grooming, looking good, and being pampered.
17. Tends to overvalue himself and his capabilities in almost all things.
18. Has devalued others as being inferior, incapable, or not worthy.
19. Has demonstrated little sympathy or empathy for others; nevertheless, she expects others to show her empathy.
20. Has ignored the needs of others, including biological (food, water, etc.), physical (housing, clothing, etc.), emotional (love, touching, hugging, etc.), and financial needs, on multiple occasions.
21. Is not happy when others succeed or receive recognition.
22. Is considered to be or acts like a bully.
23. Talks at you rather than with you.
24. Needs to be the center of attention and does things to distract others to ensure being noticed (e.g., arriving late, wearing eye-catching clothing, using dramatic language, or making theatrical entrances).
25. When she communicates with you, it feels as if she is sending messages but is not receiving messages. Communication is only one-way.
26. Assumes others value him as much as he does himself and is shocked to learn that they don’t.
27. Insists on having the best of everything (house, car, electronics, jewelry, clothes), even when she can’t afford it.
28. Appears to have difficulty comprehending deep emotions. Seems emotionally detached at times when deeply felt emotions are most needed.
29. Has a need to control others and demands total loyalty at all times.
30. Behaves as though people are objects to be used, manipulated, or exploited.
31. Repeatedly has violated boundaries of rules, privacy, secrecy, or social decorum.
32. Only sees her own problems and repeatedly ignores the problems or struggles others may have.
33. Seems to lack altruistic qualities – everything is done for a selfish purpose, rarely does anything for the good of others.
34. Even without any kind of demonstrated achievement, acts self-important or accomplished.
35. Has a need to habitually inflate personal accomplishments, deeds, or experiences.
36. When others speak of accomplishments, he boasts of his own accomplishments or orients the conversation so that his accomplishments are also recognized.
37. Feels entitled to any one of these: success, fame, fortune, or sex, with no legal, moral, or ethical inhibitions.
38. At work, habitually competes with peers for attention or praise and devalues them to garner favor with those in authority.
39. When criticized, seems insecure and tends to lash out.
40. Has acted imperious at times, not wishing to know what others think, have planned, or are concerned about.
41. Has acted or believes self to be omnipotent, unwilling to realize her own weaknesses or frailties.
42. Is superficially charming or interesting.
43. Has presented himself as something he is not (impostor), such as a doctor, military officer, astronaut, or Navy SEAL, for example.
44. Is very interesting to be around at first, but after a while saps you of energy or interest.
45. Has made you feel that her cup must always be filled as yours runs empty.
46. Has devalued you or your work and made you feel worthless without any consideration for your feelings.
47. Has shown interest in and curiosity about how others achieved success, but is unwilling to dedicate or sacrifice himself to that effort.
48. Has grandiose fantasies of achievement (high political office) that are rarely fulfilled legitimately or at all.
49. Is preoccupied with achieving social acclaim or political office by any means.
50. Has repeatedly bought expensive or valuable things for herself, but refuses to do the same for family members.
51. Constantly underestimates others’ ability and capacity to perform.
52. Sees himself as superior in intellect, capacity, or looks compared to others.
53. Enjoys putting others down so that she feels better about herself.
54. Has publicly belittled those who don’t measure up to expectations, including his own children.
55. Is disinterested in knowing more about you and lacks normal curiosity in others.
56. At times, displays a certain coldness or aloofness that makes you worry about who she really is and/or whether or not you really know her.
57. When interacting with others, perceives benign actions such as seat adjusting, turning, checking of phone, or looking at watch as disinterest and becomes unnecessarily offended or irritated.
58. Treats those who are deemed to be below him with contempt and arrogance.
59. Only appreciates those who can do something for her.
60. Has interpersonal relationships that seem always impaired or in difficulty due to his ego and grandiosity.
61. Sees herself as having special knowledge or unique understanding and talks about herself that way.
62. Has a personality that wears on you, or you find him annoying.
63. Is inappropriately boastful of accomplishments.
64. The word “I” dominates conversations. She is oblivious to how often she references herself.
65. Comes across as self-righteous and above scrutiny.
66. Has achieved much success but at the price of others whom she rarely, if ever, properly credits.
67. Has commented that this person or that group is “inferior” or is “worthless.”
68. Favors the use of cocaine (specifically) to potentiate his grandiosity, abilities, or self-worth.
69. Claims to be an exceptional lover or seducer. Boasts about repeated conquests.
70. Hates to be embarrassed or to fail publicly.
71. Doesn’t ever seem to feel guilty for anything she has done wrong and never apologizes.
72. Believes he has the answer and solution to most problems, no matter how complex.
73. Believes herself to always be right and everyone else is wrong.
74. Sees those who disagree with him as “enemies.”
75. Has resorted to cheating, conning, scheming, embezzling, or other white-collar crimes to achieve success.
76. Is often rigid, unbending, and insensitive.
77. Tries to control what others do or think.
78. Tends to be possessive of loved ones or family members and interferes with their freedom; doesn’t like it when friends or outsiders visit.
79. Offers short-term, superficial, or self-serving demonstrations of empathy.
80. One senses he wants to destroy or spoil the fortunes of those he envies or is in competition with.
81. Has refused to look at or recognize a proud accomplishment of yours or fails to acknowledge pain and suffering of others.
82. Often reacts to criticism with retaliation, vilification, counterattack, rage, or callousness.
83. Can’t be bothered to work, claiming it would interfere with “thinking,” “planning,” “networking,” “studying,” or “preparing.”
84. Joined a club or purchased a golf membership or organization, just to be seen in the right places with the “right kind of people,” but can ill afford to do so.
85. Sees flaws in others routinely, but none in herself.
86. Does not like to be critiqued, even when it is helpful.
87. Sees personal problems in others as signs of inferiority, weakness, or poor impulse control.
88. Consistently brags or boasts about expensive purchases (jewelry, toys, properties, cars, etc.).
89. At work, repeatedly overstates to management his value and contributions.
90. Very easily sees weaknesses in others and is quick to exploit those weaknesses.
91. Is in a parasitic or exploitative relationship, taking advantage of someone financially (refuses to work or contribute although healthy and capable).
92. Has a least once said that from an early age, felt “destined for greatness.”
93. Seems to be highly dependent on tribute and adoration and will often fish for compliments.
94. Is not a very good listener or only listens when there is a compliment in it for her.
95. Demands that others make changes to suit his needs at their expense or inconvenience.
96. Is cunning and manipulative, seeking always to have the greatest advantage.
97. Doesn’t seem to reciprocate in kind with attention, gratitude, or kindness to others.
98. Uses insults to establish superiority, dominance, or control.
99. has made bogus claims about education or degrees (for example, claiming to have a PhD).
100. Maintains appearance of extravagant lifestyle despite being financially frail or having filed for bankruptcy.
101. Repeatedly fails to see or view things from others’ perspective; lacks empathetic understanding of others and their needs or desires.
102. Likes to be around notable people to bask in their glory or likes to name-drop.
103. Thinks that not everyone is worthy to be around her.
104. Has a shallow emotional life and detests when others come to him with their “trivial” emotional problems.
105. Can be shy and solitary, but nevertheless is arrogant toward others and believes in her own superiority or uniqueness.
106. Has lied about the past, about accomplishments, or to conceal legal or ethical transgressions, including failure to act or notify.
107. Becomes indignant when others fail to show absolute loyalty.
108. Has intentionally kept you or others waiting or has extended meetings or conversations, inconveniencing others.
109. Is never appreciative or satisfied with compensation or perks at work, even thought they are generous.
110. Doesn’t hesitate to burden others with the trivial, even when others are occupied or attending to more important things.
111. Frantically tries to maintain a youthful body and appearance by overdoing workouts, physical exploits, cosmetics, or surgery.
112. Seems to be proving himself and affirming sexuality by having repeated extramarital affairs.
113. Most of her enjoyment seems to be from the tributes received from others.
114. Has taken pleasure in duping others, including parents, friends, and associates.
115. Rather than feeling happy for others’ success, is jealous or petty and begrudges their success.
116. Has quit a relationship or a friendship once it no longer benefited him socially or financially.
117. Has actively looked for a trophy wife or partner to help with career or political ambitions.
118. Tactically plans day or events so as to garner attention and praise.
119. Is unable to identify the needs, wants, desires, and feelings of those closest to her.
120. Is impatient with others.
121. Incessantly talks about himself or his aspirations.
122. Tends to discuss personal issues or concerns in inappropriate or expansive detail, oblivious to time constraints or the sensitivities of others.
123. Often says things that are hurtful to others, yet shows no remorse.
124. One of these words usually applies to her: snobbish, disdainful, arrogant, patronizing.
125. Has criticized those who follow rules or who patiently wait in line.
126. Appears to be especially lacking in sadness and mournful longing.
127. Is only concerned with getting caught or being shamed in public, not with being ethical.
128. Even after many years, you feel like you really don’t know this person.
129. Has used family or friends to lie on his behalf.
130. Is unwilling to acknowledge mistakes, wrongdoings, bad ideas, or perilous actions.

Scoring

• Count how many statements apply to this individual based on the criteria discussed at the beginning of this checklist.
• If you find that this individual has 15 to 25 of these features, this is a person who will occasionally take an emotional toll on others and may be difficult to live or work with.
• If the score is 26 to 65, this indicates that the individual has all the features of and behaves as a narcissistic personality. This person needs help and will cause turmoil in the life of anyone close to him or her.
• If the score is above 65, this person has a preponderance of the major features of a narcissistic personality and is an emotional, psychological, financial, or physical danger to you or others.

Immediate Actions

This checklist may have confirmed something you already suspected, or it may have shed some new light on a work or personal relationship. With this new insight, you may now seek help or change your situation. What you do really is personal, and will depend on a lot of things, including how how they scored on this checklist.

Your first responsibility is to yourself, and your loved ones. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to stay in a relationship or in an organization where you will be bullied, tormented, or victimized. You must do what you need to do to protect yourself. This could be different things for different situations and people from ignoring the person to seeking help from fiends, clergy, HR, your boss, a mental health professional, social services or even the police. Again, there are many variables that you will have to consider with YOUR situation.

I strongly urge you to distance yourself from these individuals, but I do know that can be hard at times. You should set up boundaries, but don’t be surprised if the person ignores them. These people will wear you down, and the higher they score on the list, the more taxing they will be. Distancing yourself really is the best.

I encourage you to read Dangerous Personalities by Joe Navarro for more advice on how to deal with this kind of person in your life.